We spent nine hours on the road Sunday, and you know what that’s like… you start to go a little nuts! The road is going by, the landscape in Indiana, Illinois and Iowa isn’t exactly fascinating, and your mind begins to wander and you start to think really hard about things that really don’t deserve any thought at all! Like why do some people build nice homes fifty yards away from the interstate? Are they visually-impaired? Are they hearing- impaired? Do they just have really bad taste in scenery?
What about the speed limit? We’re usually only concerned about the maximum speed, but I can’t help but wonder about the minimum one, too. On I-80 it’s 40 miles per hour and it seems to me that someone driving 41 is much more likely to cause an accident than someone going 85, so why would it be that slow?
Speaking of speeding, why do I always slam on my brakes after I see a cop coming at me from the opposite way? If he’s looking at me, he’s already seen me, and if he’s not, then he won’t. Would a cop ever think “well, he was doing 90, but then he saw me and hit his brakes so clearly he’s learned a valuable lesson!”?
Why are there still AM music stations? Can we safely assume that if you don’t have an Ipod, you do have satellite radio, and if you don’t have a satellite radio, and if you don’t have satellite radio you do have a CD player, and if you don’t have a CD player you do have FM radio, and if you don’t have FM radio then the car you’re driving is so old and outdated that you need to be listening for a blown cylinder head rather than for music on an AM radio station.
Has anyone called one of those “1-800-how’s-my-driving?” numbers in the back of a semi? If so, did you make the call from your cell phone while you were driving, or did you scrounge around for a pen and write down the number and the license plate and call once you got home? If so, did the person you talked to remind you of how unsafe your driving is?
And finally, when it comes to using the bathroom at a truck stop, I’m used to seeing the condom and “adult novelty” machines, but what’s with the ones that sell squirts of cologne? The one in the Quad Cities today had Drakkar, Polo, Obsession and Eternity… ah, yes… four classic scents for a man who probably just emptied his Gatorade bottle full of urine in the sink.
I’m Andy Fales and that’s what’s bugging me.