As you might imagine, I grew up with a father who had a good sense of humor. He liked to laugh and poke a little fun at the world.
When I was in high school, one of his most fruitful sources of laughs was my wardrobe and hairstyles. Now, I worked on ‘What`s Bugging Andy?’ for several hours, tonight, but I still couldn`t come up with a complete list of all the things he made fun of.
I`ll start at the bottom: he laughed at my hi-top shoes and the way we wore them untied. My brightly colored socks, the pegged cuffs on my pants, my torn jeans, the double pleats on my Girbaud khakis, my Grateful Dead belt with the dancing bears, my way-too-big shirts, my way-too-small-shirts, my popped collars, my pulled-back collars, my Vaurnet sunglasses, my sideburns, my soul patch, my ponytail, my hair when it was parted down the middle and my hair when it was spiked up in the air to look like Sting`s.
But as I wrote that list out, tonight, I could sit back and honestly say ‘Yeah, he was right about every single thing on it!’ I looked stupid! But part of being a kid, a young man, is riding the fashion train from stop to stop and part of growing up is looking back and wondering ‘what the hell was I thinking?’
So it was with the wisdom and experience of someone who`s been there, that I watched and laughed at the NBA Draft, last Thursday. These guys are big stars and about to become big-time rich, but then they stand up in those $5,000 suits and reach for the hat…
I can’t help but laugh! Harrison Barnes is a great kid and I understand that there is a style here that none of us over 25 can relate to, but there is no denying that hat makes him look like he`s working the drive-thru window at Wendy`s. I know the hat just came off the shelf, but on his head, it looks like it`s still on the shelf.
It`s not just Barnes, it`s a full-blown epidemic…Quincy Miller looks like he borrowed that hat from someone who would kick his ass if he knew he had touched it. He could catch rain on that bill!
The tailors who put these suits together were looking forward to sending pictures out to everyone and drumming up some business, but all anyone will see is three professional athletes who appear entirely stumped by the concept of the baseball hat! Haven`t we all been laughing at Fred McGriff for years over this very condition? Well check out the Crime Dog, now!
He looks positively normal! Do you realize what this trend will do for ninety-year-old men across the country? It`ll be their biggest fashion validation since Don Draper brought back the tight cardigan and hair tonic!
Yes, in this innocent attempt to keep the sun from burning his paper-thin skin to a crisp, Connie Mack became a true visionary! He and every old man who`s taken for stroll in his wheelchair around the nursing home grounds with a blanket over his legs will, for a short time, look as modern as an iPhone 5 in their flat-billed, unmolested cap!
Harrison Barnes and company would tell me that I`m just old and out of touch. That`s what I told my dad. But the day will come when each and every one of them looks back and sees that I`m right. I`m Andy Fales, and That`s What`s Bugging Me.